Five Questions to Ask Yourself When Life Hands You What You DON’T Want.


You have a job you loathe. You had a forged adolescence that lead to multiple subsequent therapies. You are in a relationship with a monster. Angst and blame fit like a glove yet you just can’t figure out why all of this negative BS keeps following you around. You start to believe you deserve it. Is this punishment? What is wrong with you?

Nothing is wrong with you!

You need this.

Simply put, it will continue until you realize that these “negatives” are lessons and they are not negative at all. They are lessons imperative to your path. Only you can label them as negative. What have these situations taught you?

That you will never again accept a job from a bigot.


That you will be a parent practicing attachment and unconditional love.

Young male with big stomach with enjoying expression on his face



That you will see red flags much quicker the next time some asshat tries to buy you a glass of Pinot Noir.



These seem like pretty good lessons to me…

Learning what you DO NOT prefer is as valuable ( if not more valuable) than learning what you do prefer. So the next time you’re wallowing in the hand you’ve been dealt. Stop, and ask yourself a few questions:

  1. How has wallowing been working out for me thus far? Has it fixed anything yet?
  2. Is this an effective emotional response to the stimuli that I’m experiencing?
  3. What can I learn from this experience? What foresight am I gaining as a result of said situation?
  4. How is this making me a more compassionate human being?
  5. How can I change?

The first three give us a dose of reality. Where are we going from here? The last two are insurmountably more important.  Failure to see purpose in situations you do not prefer breeds a complete lack of responsibility of self. Not cool.

Being grateful for these lessons – even excited for these lessons – will transform your entire existence. If the purpose of existence is to know love, real unconditional universal love, then the first step is realizing it comes from you. Love grows in you if you cultivate it so. What you project continues; it will become your reality. Finding love in the center of your being and bringing it out makes everything different. I don’t know how else to state it, maybe I should try fart metaphors?


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